What Women Do Best

Posted: October 30th, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: breast cancer, mastectomy, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , | Comments Off

A dear friend of mine shared this news video with me today. She said, “I thought of all the people, you would appreciate this story.” You are so right, Snoopy Girl! I’m passing it forward.

Recently in, “Flipped Thank Yous,” I wrote, “… Yours and my experience as breast cancer patients was far different than what women just five, 10, 15 years ago was. It was rough, but those women did what women do best — they spoke up and started networking to make things better …”

The breast cancer survivors in this news video did exactly that. They reached out to make a difference in another woman’s life. They forwarded mindful kindness, via a chair.

 

… those women did what women do best — they spoke up and started networking to make things better …”

From simply sharing a chair, these women gained so much more than just physical comfort after mastectomy surgery. They gained the comfort of knowing someone else cared about them in their time of need. They went on to gain the comfort of new friendships. And, as they make arrangements to pass the chair along to yet another woman, they’ve each gained comfort from making a difference within their community … What women do best.

Be a friend in time of need.

Pin It

What Is Paramount

Posted: October 29th, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: mastectomy, path of rememberance, radiation, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , | 1 Comment »

Yesterday was the anniversary of one of the most significant life-changing decisions that I have thus far followed through on. Bigger than decisions like marriage, career, divorce or moving across the country. Yesterday marked the fourth anniversary of my bilateral mastectomy.  My pragmatism and intuition told me that cutting to the chase, although  having “just” stage zero breast cancer, was the right think to do. While some tried saying that I was having a hysterical ‘knee-jerk’ reaction, I knew better.

Barkhamsted Bike Boots

A lovely banana snack view while sitting atop a dam.

I had a seriously stacked genetic breast cancer tree, even though I tested negative for the BRACA gene. My daily struggles with Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue are serious. My chances of rebounding well after the traditional breast cancer regimen — lumpectomy and rounds of radiation — well, they didn’t look good for me.

On a good day, I was already functioning on a healthy radiation patient’s downward slope. And, after reading and discussing my odds with doctors, of them finally being stacked higher in my favor if I was free of any ticking time bombs on my body? I knew a bilateral was the way to go. And after the surgery, it was found that the “healthy” breast was full of cancer cells. I made the right choice.

Now four years after that, how am I doing? I’m content with life. I’m happy. And, that’s largely because of my friends, family and framily.

At some point during my trek through breast cancer, as a patient or now as a survivor, they became huge contributors to my overall quality of life. Whether they’ve shared support, reflection, an ass-kicking of reality, or, some uproarious laughter — they’ve been an integral part of my life feeling blessed and rich. They’re actively thanked for that, quite often.

As this anniversary had been approaching I kept finding myself asking, “What has having had cancer done to my life? What have I learned? And, how have I subsequently grown from that?”

Annie Me Painting

Annie treated me to a “Candied Skull” painting party. Lots of fun!

For certain, this is what I’ve learned is important to my life:

Treasuring high-quality friends is paramount.

People with integrity and honor are like rare treasures. When they flow through your life, honor them with your respect, support, honesty, laughter and love whenever possible. Be sure and spontaneously remind them just how wonderfully they make your life sparkle.

Peacefully letting go of toxic acquaintances is paramount.

If someone proves themselves to be toxic, I do my best to just let them go in peace. It took a while to learn to do this. It also took a while to learn how to do this.

I am actively working on embracing that ‘everybody is at where they’re at.’ It doesn’t make anyone good or bad. It just becomes more a matter as to if I can make a healthy contribution to their lives, and them to mine.

Everyone deserves a fair chance. But if someone proves to not be a good mesh into my life? I’ve learned that it’s far healthier to let them go — for me and for them. I give thanks for whatever was good within them and then I let them go.

Barkhamsted bike parked

“Lucky Luke” resting at the reservoir.

Consciously living in a state of gratitude is paramount.

This one is super simple … Be thankful for what you do have. Really, that’s it.

No walking around with Daisies falling out of your brains and butterflies kissing your footprints kind of bliss. Focus on what you do have, be thankful for it.

Did you wake up today? Did you walk to the bathroom on your own? Where you able to go to the bathroom on your own? Can you bathe yourself? Can you fix yourself a sandwich? Do you have shoes on your feet, proper clothing for a season? Some change in your pocket, a roof over your head?

No matter how bad it gets, if you can answer “yes” to any of those questions — you have it far better than millions of other human beings who woke up today do. For, someone out there today would give anything to bask in your good fortune.

Told ya it was simple.

Having a sense of humor is paramount.

My sense of humor is my number one coping skill. Scientifically speaking, there is all kinds of research out there that supports that laughter does all kinds of wonderful things for our bodies. No matter how bleak a situation may be, if I can find a sliver of humor in it, I’ll have experienced a ray of hope.

Humor has gotten me through some tough spots in life. Well, okay, it’s gotten me into some too. But that’s beside the point!

♦   ♦   ♦

So, how did I celebrate my 4th anniversary yesterday? It began with some Allman Brother’s tunes blasting through my morning coffee as I got ready to seize a balmy 70ºF fall’s day with a ride on “Lucky Luke” — I gave thanks for all of my friends, family and of course, my bike! I had a gorgeous two+ hour ride on the bike and later a fun evening at a painting party with my friend, Annie. It made for a most lovely anniversary day.

Stormdrain 2

Small details of a reservoir storm drain.

One last note … I’d like to make sure that this is left in my written trail of remembrance … Know that every nanosecond of your positive contribution to someone’s life really does matter. Keep on spreading that life-affirming manure, ’cause it really does count.

Pin It

Firebrand Rabble-Rouser

Posted: September 16th, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: breast cancer, mastectomy, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , | 1 Comment »

The 2014 Fall/Winter issue of Modern Woman hasn’t even hit the public shelves yet and already, some very interesting conversations have begun — in regard to my participation in an article in that issue. It will focus on what some of us breast cancer survivors have been experiencing.  My contribution was an interview about my mastectomy tattooing experience, gifted by Personal P.INK, and, some tasteful photographs of them. Some of these conversations proved for me to be perceived as being a firebrand in nature, and some, apparently, on the rabble-rouser side of things.

Firebrand Convos

I’ve always said, “It’s often not what you know, but, who you know that matters.” And, when I find myself impassioned about something, in the name of networking, I’ll gladly repeat my impassioned schtick — because, “you never know who knows who.”

I guess that makes me a firebrand … “a person who is passionate about a particular cause, typically inciting change and taking radical action.”

Look into each others heartsBefore the photo shoot began, the photographer, Brad Clift, asked me a few questions about my breast cancer and my tattoos. I gladly told him a boiled-down version about my breast cancer and how much the mastectomy tattoos have changed my life. And, especially about how excited I was that we survivors were going to be heard from on a national platform.

Throughout the respectful photo shoot there was a good amount of chatter and banter amongst my family, Annie (my stylist), and Brad. It made for one of the scariest purposeful-actions in my life, so far, to be as comfortable as possible.

Something about that photo shoot apparently moved Brad. After he submitted the photographs to the magazine, he wrote me a very touching email. In it he said he was now a “believer and a convert” — as to what P.INK stood for and was doing for us survivors.

Brad requested to be put in touch with my tattoo artist, Shannon, who owns/operates Indigo Rose Tattoo Studio, and, with the folks at Personal P.INK … Because, Brad not only wants to contribute his professional services on a P.INK Day, he also wants to put P.INK in touch with several major magazine contacts he has! Pronto too!

I hope everything falls into place for Brad, P.INK, and his connections, to sync up for the “2014 2nd Annual P.INK Day.”

Last night, Brad and I got to have a nice uninterrupted 45-minute phone conversation. He asked more questions and I shared more details. Mostly about why us survivors need to be heard from — for morale and remaining medical issues. What the medical community desperately needs to get up to speed on, in regard to our post-breast reconstruction needs. Why tattooing should be a medically covered option, and procedure, when it comes to nipple and areola tattooing; and, mastectomy scar tattooing.

Suffice it to say, I think all of these various firebrand conversations going on will help the survivor community’s need to be heard from.

Rabble-Rouser Convos

I guess there’s a thin line to dance upon, when it comes to being perceived as a firebrand, an activist, or a rabble-rouser, a trouble maker.

 

A firebrand … “a person who is passionate about a particular cause, typically inciting change and taking radical action.”

A rabble-rouser … “a person who speaks with the intention of inflaming the emotions of a crowd of people.”

 

People sometimes joke off, usually with a thread of their perceived truth, that which they’re uncomfortable about.  And sometimes, it can unintentionally come across as being mean-spirited. Amongst the conservative slice of my inner-circle’s demographics, this unintentionally happened.

Dalai Lama inner peace“Wow, Chérie could be a porn star!”  …   “Here comes the porn star!” …  “No matter how much of an activist you perceive yourself to be, to most folks you’re just gonna be a gal who bared her breasts for a magazine.” …  “Well, if it isn’t the porn star!”

I’ve patiently donned my “Firebrand Boots” and calmly pointed out how speaking to me, and about me (as being a porn star), planted an extremely negative seed in other people’s minds (who are dear to me) that heard those words — regardless of it being intended as a joke.

It is a blessing to be respected and loved within my inner-circle. The unintentional negative jokes have stopped.

As for the public? If and when the negative jokes might happen, I’ll just take it on the chin. Can’t chase down ‘n set straight everybody ‘n their 3rd cousin.

So … Rabble-rouser. Firebrand. Either way, I’m at peace. The path I consciously chose to walk will have at least gotten someone to stop and think — even if for a few seconds.

Pin It