07/0/2010
Culinary Differences
Fleur: Hello Honey. You missed me, huh?

Me: Hello Love. Indeed I have.
Fleur: So, what can I do for you today?
Me: Answer yet another inane question of life.
Fleur: And that would be?
Me: Why is tapioca so expensive now?
Fleur: [makes horrid barf like sounds]
Me: [with deft sarcasm] I take it you don’t like tapioca.
Fleur: [giggling away] Uh, no.
Me: Kinda looks like barf to you?
Fleur: [still giggling] You could say that.
Me: Freshly fertilized fish eggs?
Fleur: Yeah, that too. [laughs hardily]
Me: So, you could totally care less why the price of tapioca is sky high now?
Fleur: Yup. [succinctly said, with a pop on the "p"]
Me: [sighs] So much for finding that fact out today.

06/17 & 06/18/2010
Tubers
{Thursday’s Phone Call}
Fleur: Hello Honey
Me: Hello Love
Fleur: And how are you today?
Me: I actually have some good news.
Fleur: You do? By all means, share!
Me: If I had placed a bet I would have lost everything I own.
Fleur: On?
Me: The insurance company approving my DNA test right off the bat!
Fleur: No way?
Me: Yes way! I thought for sure they were gonna make us fight for it.
Fleur: This is good news! I like good news!
Me: I called to share the good news. Aaand, I also called to make sure you got your weekly dose of silliness from one of our ‘inane question of the week’ sessions.
Fleur: [laughs] Okay, I can see where this is going … shoot!
Me: What is the definitive difference between a Sweet Potato and a Yam?
Fleur: [long pause, shocked tone] I don’t know!
Me: [gasps, speaks in New York City lightening speed] No way? You don’t know what the qualitative difference between a Sweet Potato and a Yam is? You mean to tell me you don’t know what makes a Sweet Potato a Sweet Potato and a Yam a Yam? I’m shocked!
Fleur: [pauses] I yam what I yam. [does a Popeye laugh]
Me: [laughs] I guess the race is on to see who finds the answer first then.
Fleur: Okay.
Me: Okay. Bye.
Fleur: Bye
{Friday’s Phone Call}
Fleur: Hello Love
Me: Hello Honey. I have the answer. I beat you.
Fleur: Admit it, you just miss me is all.
Me: That too. But I have the answer. [proceeds to relay the Googled facts on the definitive difference between a Sweet Potato and a Yam]
Fleur: Okay then. Now I know.
Me: Your life is now complete!
Fleur: [dead silence]
Me: Well, at least your week is complete? [still silence] Your day?
Fleur: [laughs] Okay, I’ll admit to a day.
Me: I’m good for something. Bye.
Fleur: Bye.

06/01/2010
Bed Hogs
Fleur:Hellooo Hooooney.
Me:Hellooo Looove.
Fleur: What can I do for you today?
Me: (said like a snotty seven year old girl) Well … I just got off the phone and Dr. W. and he told me that I could call you any time I wanted AND he said I could ask you any question that I wanted to. He gave me full permission.
Fleur: (calmly chuckles) I can see this is going to be another one of our conversations.

Keith taking a nap. Yes, he’s sleeping SIDEWAYS. No, he won’t admit he’s a bedhog.

Me: My question for today is — Why won’t men admit it when they’re bed hogs?
Fleur: (no hesitation) Because men are idiots.
Me: Oh, okay. Bye.
Fleur: Bye.
(we both hang up)
5/21/2010
Inane Zebras
I dialed my doctor’s office a few minutes ago, here is some of the conversation …

Fleur: Helloooooo Chérieeeeeee
Me: Helloooooo Fleurrrrrrrrr
Fleur: How are you doing today?
Me: I don’t wanna do today. Let’s go work on paving some more on our roads to hell … let’s go Trout fishing instead of doing today!!  [Trout have a very light bite, they're rather difficult to set the hook on. I usually end up cussing quite a few streaks by the end of the fishing day -- hence, Trout fishing contributing towards another paved chunk on my road to hell.]
Fleur: (laughs) Yeah, I’m all for that. Yup, Trout fishing would do it. I think that’s a good idea.
Me: Yeah, me too. I don’t wanna do my “Booby Powwow” with Dr. W. today. I don’t wanna do today. I want to cancel it!
Fleur: (dead silence)
   Me: I’M JOKING!! I’m joking, but I still don’t really wanna do it.
Fleur: (laughs with a relieved tone) Totally understandable, Chérie.
Me: Hey, in the spirit of your having told me that I could call and ask any question I had — I have a question … Why do Zebra’s have stripes?
And, are their stripes black on white, or, white on black?
Fleur: All depends upon which Zebra you’re talking to.
Me: (totally cracks up laughing) Oh, that is sooo good, Fleur!! Totally good! I gotta remember that answer!!
Fleur: (smug tone) Thank you.
(evil laugh) See you later today.
Me: I looove you!!!!
(cracks up laughing again)
Fleur: (laughs some more) Byyyyyye.

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