That’s Why

Posted: November 16th, 2012 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | Comments Off

After two years of appointments and procedures dealing with my breast cancer, as of 1:30 this afternoon on Friday, November 16th, 2012, I will have attended my very last one. Being the “Belle Of The Breast Cancer Ball” will have come to an end.

Today’s appointment will be a quick and breezy one. Just a final look at the third attempt of a human being trying to replicate what G*d had created for me — delicate pink hued areolas. They’ll never look that way again. They are what they are, and they’re just going to stay that way … man-made looking.

What I find the most interesting about this last appointment is my state of mind about going to it. About it being the very last one. About how my attitude towards it actually sums up how I feel about my entire journey through breast cancer, and, about my new life. It’s all profoundly jumbled up, in an inane way.

Looking back at the past two years I realize I was dragged into having to look at everything and everyone pertaining to my mortality, my life. With the glaring light of harsh truths.

I did my best to maintain my inner core of mental toughness while going through it all. Loves were lost. Positive support was freely given. Backs were turned. Foundations were shook — some withstood and strengthened, some crumbled. Loves were deepened. My old identity was lost, a new one is emerging. Very few tears from sorrow were shed — but many from utter silliness freely flowed. Gifts were discovered. More questions unfolded.

My new inner core of mental toughness now looks out at the world with a deepened sense of smartassery. Whether I’m having to be pragmatic, sentimental, silly, philosophical, loving, succinct, grateful, truthful or tender … here is where having gone through breast cancer has left me coming from …

 

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