Season Of Emergence

Posted: August 23rd, 2012 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | Comments Off

Throughout the ages, we have held the moment of a caterpillar’s metamorphosis into that of a butterfly as being magical. In many ways it is. To transform from one organism into another is beyond human.

I, however, have come to behold the journey of a butterfly’s emergence out of the cocoon as being the most magical of all. Without the physical struggle of breaking out of the cocoon the butterfly would perish. Having to push against what was once a shell of comfort, crawl out of the cradle that was once shelter, assists the butterfly’s body fluids to being to flow — so it can fly, live.

If you peeled away the cocoon for a butterfly, seemingly sparing it from the primal struggle to survive, you would kill it. The very battle to be free of what was once a safe haven is what allows a butterfly to truly become a butterfly. Otherwise, it is nothing more than an inert insect that quickly perishes.

This past season of summer has felt like that for me — a season of emergence. Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

In January I was wearing a size 14 in pants. By March, a size 12. By May, a size 10. By July, a size 8. This physical transformation came about via conscious choices in adopting a more healthy eating plan and an exercise program.

Through trial and error I have formulated a healthy way of eating that works very well for my body. The exercise aspect to my overall health has been a bit tricky though. Fibromyalgia has a way of doing that.

In early April I sustained an injury to my knees that has dogged me all summer long. I’m currently in physical therapy for it. Hopefully I can avoid shots, medicine, and/or knee surgery for arthritis through strengthening and stretching exercises. The Fibro will make this approach a bit more tricky, but I’m willing to keep plugging along this route. The big goal is to be able to sit for lengthy periods of time, briskly walk, swim, hike or ride a motorcycle without being in serious pain.

This physical injury has been, in large part, why I haven’t been writing. Sitting at the computer for any length of time has caused for a serious burning sensation in my knees and shins. Once it starts, it’s so far proved to be near to impossible to squelch with pain medication.

In retrospect though, I’ve come to realize that my physical metamorphosis has greatly impacted my mental, emotional and spiritual identities — to the point of needing to reclaim my voice as a woman, as a writer. Believe it or not, walking around in life with cancer free juvenile boobs and a thin body has more of an impact upon one’s life than one would imagine.

In the analogy of the emerging butterfly, after the struggle of climbing out of the cocoon that was my identity for nearly a decade, I’m resting while I own my new presence of self. Gently undulating my wings as I process through men and women’s reactions and behavior towards my new outer self.

The caterpillar’s mindset is racing to catch up with that of the newly emerged butterfly, that is nearly ready to fly. Nearly.

The journey through this emergence is what seems to be what I’m being asked to write about now — by the Divine Intelligence that is far greater than my singular mind could ever be. And so it will be.

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