No More Pointless Titties

Posted: October 26th, 2011 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | 2 Comments »

    Earlier this month, on October 5th, I finally got my new nipples. Quite frankly, for the past 11 months, I’ve hated being without nipples. But, I thought I was going to once again be burdened with large boingers poking through anything I wore — this time though, 24/7, for the rest of my corporeal existence.
    A few minutes before the surgery was to take place my plastic surgeon, Dr. S, sat down with me for one more pre-op consultation. With slight dread I told him I was ready for the new anchovy honkers getting sewn onto me. He calmly stated, “Oh, we’re not going to use the anchovies.”
    I blinked a few times, looking mildly confused. I said, “But you told me that you were going to use them, I’m confused. I thought you had to use them in order to recreate nipples?”
    He casually said, “Nah, I can make your nipples just out of the skin flaps that I’ll cut from your breast’s skin under your scar line. Your breasts ended up a nice size and you’ve expressed concern about having to deal with large nipples sticking out all of the time. I’m giving you smaller ones, less poking out to deal with.”
    I sighed a sigh of relief and with the plastic eyeglass case that the hospital had given me to store my glasses in during surgery, I smacked him on his knee with it. He looked at me with a shocked, “What?” look.
    Explaining myself I told him, “Thank you for saving me looking like a washed up pole dancer in my 50’s and 60’s. But, you totally ruined the Odd Combo blog piece I posted last night about having to have anchovies sewn onto my body today!”
    Then I reenacted my sci-fi anchovy orgasmic melt down scene in Sam’s Club for him.
    As I got to the “Croooutons!!! Crooooutoooons!!” crescendo he stood up, shook his head, laughed and started to walk out of the room. When he reached the doorway he turned back around, still laughing he said, “I’m going to miss you.” He paused for a reflective moment, shook his head in a yes gesture, “Yeah, when everything is all done for you, I’m going to miss you.” Then he smiled, “See you in a few minutes.”
    I took what he said as being a sincere compliment. I’d lay odds on him never having had a patient deal with breast cancer quite like I have — with an audacious, quirky, feisty openness. I’m going to miss him too.
    Five days later we had my new nipple reveal office visit. Before the reveal though, I bitched him out about the Minty Redneck Bikini he had made me suffer through. I stood in front of him and with mock disdain I said, “Look at this! Come on!”
    Once the bandages and protective plastic little cups over the nipples were removed I rushed over to the full-length mirror in the room. Having been without nipples for nearly a year, this was indeed a big moment for me.
    I had wrapped my head around the double mastectomy thing fairly easily — it was my best shot at survival, period. But, the whole deal about losing my nipples, then having no nipples for nearly a year? It was the one self-image aspect of the breast cancer stuff that I’ve struggled with the most.
    I’ve struggled with it to the point that Keith has rarely ever gotten to see me without at least a sports bra covering my breasts since the mastectomy. It’s just felt that weird to me, as a woman, to be without nipples. It’s never been an issue of modesty — much to my parent’s dismay, in that regard I’ve always been a free spirit — This has been more an issue about female self-image, visual weirdness.

Two Bengal kittens chow’n down.

    The mirror reflected little nipples. With a child-like awe I softly said, “They’re petite. They’re dainty!” I turned to Dr. S and then back to the mirror, “Thank you! My originals were so large, these are petite.” Then I took a few steps nearer the mirror, gave them a closer look and said, “Oh good grief! I’ve got mew-mew nips!”
    Dr. S gave me a “huh?” look. “I’ve got mew-mew nips! They’re long and skinny. They’re sticking out like a nursing cat’s nipples! They’re mew-mew nips!”
    He assured me that over time my new nipples would flatten out as they healed. It’s taken a couple of weeks but they are indeed starting to flatten out more.
    I now feel comfortable enough to ditch the sports bra in front of Keith. He’s never made an issue of this issue, ever once. He’s always only reassured me that I’m his sexy lady, no matter what. I can’t thank him enough for that.
    Thank you, Honey. You’ve made it so easy for me to still feel like a vibrant, sexy woman throughout this breast cancer journey … now if only you’d stop leaving wet wadded up face cloths in the shower. [insert a huge "but you loooooove me" grin here]

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2 Comments on “No More Pointless Titties”

  1. 1 Stefan R. Burnham said at 5:58 pm on October 26th, 2011:

    Always loved your candidness!

  2. 2 Chérie said at 4:53 pm on October 27th, 2011:

    Thank you, Stefan!
    Last night my baby heart sister IM'ed me and asked … "So, you fostering any baby kittens yet?" Dang brat.