Hot Fudge Sundae

Posted: February 18th, 2011 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | Comments Off

THE  ICE  CREAM
    On October 28th of 2010 my physical appearance forever changed, I had a bilateral mastectomy. I said bye-bye to a set of ample D cup assets that often got me extra attention throughout my adult life.
    My plastic surgeon, Dr. S, had layered cadaver skin to my chest wall and inserted expandable temporary implants under my chest wall muscles. The cadaver skin procedure was done to give my breast a better overall shape once the permanent implants are put in place.

    So, I woke up from surgery with two little prepubescent looking bumps on my chest. Upon seeing them for the first time I had to giggle. I had skeeter bite boobies again! The shape of the underlying temporary implants made for slight wideness to their overall shape. But at least I had something there.
    In early November my Honey and I went birthday gift window shopping in the electronic section at Walmart. I had on a nice sweater and jeans, natural looking make-up — I looked like a casually dressed woman that cared about herself. Or so I thought.
    We ended up needing some help from a salesperson. I went and nabbed one, and, for the sake of this story, we’ll call the salesperson Jim.
    Jim struck me as a well educated, corporate upper management type man — very much over qualified for his job at Walmart. That he had most likely taken this job at Walmart just to keep money flowing into his family’s budget until he found another job in his original field of work.
    He was very professional and informative with all of our questions. But, he kept looking at me in a discreet but odd darting way. At first I thought it was my imagination, that I was just being self conscious about my new physical appearance. Yet, he kept on with a slightly curious look at my face, then he’d cast his eyes down, very quickly scanning my body and then look at Keith. This went on the entire time he was helping us.
    I went back to ask him one last question that Keith had brought up once we had walked away from him. He did the same thing again. I walked away feeling femininely confused.
    I was used to having been stared at by men in the past because of my large breasts. Some were jerks, some acted like naughty school boys, most were discreet. But this whole thing with Jim was totally different. It had an odd vibe to it that I just couldn’t put my finger on. Why on earth would a man nearly be to the point of acting befuddled around a flat chested woman?
    After relating this to Keith, he didn’t know either. “Maybe he’s got a thing for flat chested women. Heck if I know, Honey.”
 

THE  HOT  FUDGE  &  WHIPPED  CREAM
     By late December a few saline injection sessions had taken place. My Dad was treating me to one of our favorite “gourmet” meals out, a tuna sub with all the fixings at Subway’s, after one of the sessions. This Subway happened to be inside the very same Walmart where the “Jim incident” had taken place.

    As my Dad and I munched on our subs I related the story to him. How Jim just kept darting his eyes all over me with a questioning, befuddled vibe. I said to him, “I don’t get it. I was nearly flat chested. Why on earth would he have been so flustered? All I had were skeeter bites!”
    My Dad took another bite of his sub. And in his usual calm, slightly pious delivery style he said, “I know why” and went on munching on his sub. Yes, he deliberately does this to annoy me, makes me nearly beg for an answer. It’s gotta be a Dad/Yoda mind game thing — that, or delayed parental revenge for all the times I drove him crazy as a kid.
    I waited through a few more of his munches, then broke down and finally asked, “Well then, why? Tell me why.”
    Dad looked up from his sub, and with a perfect deadpan delivery he stated, “He was trying to figure out whether or not you were a transvestite.”
    I set my sub down, mind reeling, jaw dropped. I took in a deep breath and then in between bursts of realization laughter I kept repeating, “Oh my gosh. That’s it! That’s it! Oh my gosh, Dad. You’re so right! You’re so right.”
    Yes, Dad just kept on with that Dad/Yoda “DUH” look while finishing up his sub.

THE  CHERRY  ON  TOP
    A few weeks later while waiting for my turn with Dr. S, I just had to tell the office quarterback, Damaris, about this layered story. Of course she cracked up laughing at my Dad’s answer.

    Then this is where she added the coup de grâce, the final layer of this story.
    Damaris suggested that when my boobs were all done, I should go back to that Walmart and find Jim. While standing with perfect posture, jutting out my new boobs I should look him in the eye and with a huge smile say, “Look at what I did with all the money I saved by shopping at Walmart!”
    Now THAT is the perfect ending punchline line!
    While walking out to the car after my saline injection session was done, I told my dad Damaris’ punchline. He laughed and I said, “Her punchline was like plopping a cherry on top of a hot fudge sundae.”
    Yes, when all is said and done with my new boobs, I’m seriously considering going back and seeing if Jim is still working there. And, if he is? Do the ‘Walmart Savings’ line on him. That would be pretty ballsy of me to do that to him … Could that be considered as being a sprinkle’s worth of nuts?

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