Her Grand Introduction

Posted: February 10th, 2011 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | Comments Off

    Before getting on with writing the rough draft for my “Hot Fudge Sundae” story for next week’s blog, I first need to introduce you to yet another kindred spirit that provided the proverbial ‘cherry on top’ in that particular upcoming story.
    While traveling along this cancer journey — I’ve been blessed with meeting yet another competent, smart aleck office quarterback. She works at my plastic surgeon’s office.

    I’m sitting here feeling like I’m under the gun to write because two weeks ago she conducted an adult “pouteese” session on me. She follows my blog, so, while we were booking my next boob injection session she said, “You haven’t written about ME yet” — and then she pouted. Yes, she literally pouted!
    Normally I’m impervious to pouting … Just ask any one of my Honey’s three minions. They’d mimic me to a tee while repeating one of my sayings, that I’m sure as a kid they hate hearing, but, will more than likely end up repeating to their own kid(s) some day. (Parental revenge tastes sweet, doesn’t it?)
    While donning a “get over yourself” look I’ll say to them, “I don’t speak Chinese, Japanese, Pout-eese or Whine-eese.”  Of course that saying is usually followed up with something like, “You have a right to feel upset, but let’s try to find a more constructive way of expressing it, okay?”
    Yet, here I am writing like I’m on a deadline — Why? Because my boob injection session is tomorrow and I doubt this office quarterback will have taken the day off, so, I’ve got to face her.

[cue grand entrance music]
Folks, to spare myself from having to bear another adult pout session, I’d like for you to meet …
[hold poignant pause, bow while making sweeping arm gesture towards her]
! ! ! !  D A M A R I S  ! ! ! !
    The first ever office visit that Damaris and I met one another went down like this … Damaris was busy multi-tasking at least a zillion tasks at once. With a smile she held up a piece of paper, turned her head back to the computer while instructing me, “I need for you to look at this for a couple of seconds.”
    I just had to test her out. So, I looked at the sheet of paper she was holding up in the air for a couple of seconds and then commenced to staring, with dramatic feigned interest, at various spots on the ceiling around the waiting room. A few seconds rolled by before Damaris realized she was still sitting there holding up the piece of paper. She stopped all of her multi-tasking and watched me look at some more spots on the ceiling.
    I did my best to look innocent and replied, “Well? You said look at it for a couple of seconds. So, I did!”
    She leaned back in her chair, slowly nodded her head a bit and said, “Oh, I’m gonna like you.” And then, with an evil grin she added, “A lot.” She laughed, slapped the paper down on the counter and with a loving “you’re a Dipwad” tone of voice specifically instructed me to read it and sign it.
    Just like Fleur (at my breast surgeon’s office) and C5 ([Calm, Cool, Collected, Competent Chick] at my primary care physician’s office), Damaris Darling has become a delightful and sparkling part of each office visit.
    Do you feel infamous now, Damaris Darling? Good, you’re every bit worthy of being infamous. Seriously though, thank you for your consistent quick wit and easy smile!
    I do however, hope this introduction  spares me from ever having to endure another Damaris Darling pout episode.
    But, more importantly, I also hope it’ll spare anyone from potentially experiencing any escalations of pouting turning into an outright public adult temper tantrum session.
    How would you explain that to the other patients in the waiting room? And, think of all the rug lint you’d have to scotch tape off of your outfit! What?!?!? Just trying to be helpful! =;>
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