New Roller Coaster To Ride

Posted: August 26th, 2010 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | Comments Off

    Tomorrow is going to be another one of those “big days” in my little chunk of the Universe — a new Universal roller coaster to ride awaits me … It was only eight days ago that my body was sliced opened, peered into and had a chunk of it removed. In our fast paced world, eight days sounds like a long enough time to get over something and move on.

Pictured: Precious & Keith, a few years ago, after going on a super wild roller coaster ride at
Six Flags together, for the umpteenth time that day.

    As of seven days ago, my yesterday, I can tell you it’s not. Physically or emotionally. My incisions for the Lumpectomy and for the cyst that was removed on my back are healing fine. That is the outer body.
    It’s the inner body that seems to be taking it’s sweet time in the healing process. So much so, I’ve been asked to stay on high blood pressure medicine for a few more weeks and stay as stress free as possible. It seems my body is still churning through the aftermath of months worth of stress.
    Yesterday the Universe must have felt that I had lost sight of the fact that this portion of my cancer journey is still about me, ME. That I still need to protect myself during my recouping time. And, if need be, appear downright selfish, in refusing to interact with other people’s dramas, egos and/or deeply seated emotional issues.
    One aspect of tomorrow being a big day is because I will see Dr. W and his lovely staff for my first post surgical visit … I will hear in person the finalization on this particular battle with cancer. And, how we will approach the overall war.
   I still haven’t gotten to hear what the end all opinion is about all of my biopsy results. The same person who Dr. W trusted to hunt for cancer cells in the tissue surrounding the original calcification clump (my lumpectomy), was also entrusted to reexamined the original calcification clump biopsy too.
    Oddly enough, that’s not what feels like the ‘biggest’ thing for me to face tomorrow at the office. Seeing Dr. W’s wise, smiling face and then not burst into tears is my biggy to face. When I do my meditations sometimes his face will pop up in my mind’s eye, I smile and then tears begin to flow. I have yet to figure out the logical explanation for this phenomenon, so I’ll just go with — it’s a joyful and thankful emotional response.
    I have a feeling I’ll blubber like an idiot when I get to hug Fleur and the rest of the staff too.
    My Heart Sister Renee insists that tears are healing … So, screw you if you think I look like a weepy idiot.
    My other biggy for tomorrow will be that it will be the first time since a week before the surgery that I will be able to physically feel small, feminine, protected and loved beyond words again — I will get to be cradled in Keith’s massive arms and chest again. I will get to gaze into his steely blue eyes that shine with more love than I’ve ever seen in any other eyes.
    We hope the incisions will be healed enough for us to go out on a couple of nice  motorcycle rides this weekend. We both have a feeling though they won’t be the case.
   Keith has promised to make me a batch of his Pasta Gravy. I’m going to consider it as being my last high cholesterol hurrah meal. His Pasta Gravy literally soothes and warms my soul. 
   Hey, I know … how ’bout a foot rub too, Keith? Huh? Huh? Huh?
    Anywho, tomorrow will be a ride of joy, of thankfulness and another celebration of being alive for those who have passed on.
    Yup, looks like tomorrow is bound to be an emotional roller coaster ride of a day, but a good kind of ride. The perpetual twinkle in my eyes, my smiles and laughter, amidst my tears, will be my “WEE!! LOOK NO HANDS!!”

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