Carcinoma Detour

Posted: August 12th, 2010 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

Cancer Girl looks at all the things life has recently piled up on the MonChérie’s aft deck. She pulls out a hairdryer, sets it to ‘super sonic blast’ and blows everything off the houseboat into the water.

She walks to the living room, sinks down into the plush pillowed couch, flicks on the TV. With a press of a button Pierce Brosnan charms the screen in “Tomorrow Never Dies” … she drifts off into a much needed nap.

    The warm summer air is rushing over CG’s body and face. A corner of the distinct shocking pink Liz Claiborne scarf that’s keeping her hair in place tickles her awake. She opens her eyes to find herself in a convertible BMW’s passengers seat next to the infamous, handsome spy, James Bond. His charming smile lulls her into feeling safe, even though they’re racing down a winding country road at top speed.
    He gives her a quick glance and says, “You’re the only woman I know that could take a catnap in the middle of a race for you life.” CG smiles and shrugs her shoulders, “Well, this is my fantasy, James. I can catnap whenever I please.” James winks as he guns the engine to an even higher speed.
    CG sits up straight and looks around her, “How close are we to Frankco Carcinoma’s headquarters? Or as I like to call him, the “Creepy Cancer Guy?””
    James gave her a sideways glance, “Close enough, Love. Too close for my liking. I wish I could take him out for you, instead of you having to face him down.”
    CG sighs, “James, it’s going to be okay, really it is. That creep, Frankco Carcinoma, somehow managed to get the better of me on that mission in Spain last winter. I don’t know how, but he did. So, now I’ve just got to face head on the aftermath of his insidious cell destroyer he implanted in me. There’s no other way to handle it.
    A little bell icon flashes green on the car’s dashboard. James presses his hand to his ear. CG watches James facial expressions, they vacillate from dead serious, to puzzled, to hopeful as he repeatedly says, “Uh huh” and “I see.” He presses his hand to his ear once more, turns to CG and says, “Hang on, Love, we’re about to take a detour.”
    At top speed James spins the convertible into doing a 180º turn. CG squeals with delight, arms stretched straight up in the air, “Yeah, Baby! One-eighty me!” Keeping his eyes on the road, James chuckles and shakes his head. He peels the car off to a hard left, onto a gravel road running alongside the ocean.”
    CG does a couple more joyful gasps and then pinches James’ arm. She catches her breath and asks, “Okay, what’s up, James? I don’t get it? Why are we doing a detour?”
    James’ face looks full of relief. He slows their speed just a little. “Well, CG, that was Dr. W, your breast surgeon, on the phone. He’s ordered us to take a ‘Carcinoma Detour.” He’s calling off the orders to blow up Frankco Carcinoma’s headquarters  — he’s taking the mastectomy off of the table, for now too.”
   CG shifts her weight to learn towards James, “Well, go on. Tell me why.”
    James downshifts the car to a civilian’s speed. His eyes shift between the road and her face as he continues on. “Seems after Dr. W did another thorough review of your file he found he wasn’t totally satisfied with the two pathology reports that came back on your first biopsy — at least not enough to march on into Frankco Carcinoma’s headquarters, blow it up and also remove your breast.”
    CG took in a deep breath and let out a huge sigh, “So, what does he want me to do now?”
    James checked the rear-view mirror and then pulled the car off onto the shoulder of the road. He pointed ahead of them, “We’re headed down the “Carcinoma Detour” route now.”
    They turned to face each other. With the back of his hand he gently traced her cheek and jawline. In that sexy, soothing spy voice he said, “It seems, Love, that Dr. W wants to do a Lumpectomy, remove only a small portion of breast tissue surrounding the calcification spot for a new set of biopsies. He’s going to send that tissue off to a couple of top notch places for new pathology reports to compare. Then he’s going to take your whole, I believe he called it “complicated case,” to be reviewed by a panel of expert cancer doctors he’s on — see what they all have to say about your case.”
    CG asked, “Then I take it there weren’t exactly totally, definitive “yeah this is without a doubt cancer” looking stuff in the calcification chunk they took out of my breast last April?”
    James shook his head no. “No, Franco is known to sometimes let his handy-work look very ambiguous. Dr. W doesn’t feel comfortable enough with the margins of “looks like it could be” current biopsy results. Not enough to go marching headlong into doing a mastectomy right now. He took your August 19th mastectomy off the books. Instead he’s going to do a Lumpectomy on August 18th. He’ll look to see if there are any cancer cells lurking about in the tissue surrounding the suspicious calcification. If he finds some, then it may well still be a mastectomy in line for you. If not though? You may get to just keep a super close eye on Franco’s potential handy-work.”

    CG tilted her head back and looked up at the beginnings of a twilight sky. “Today was a good day to be alive. Tomorrow will be a good day to go fishing. And, someday, hopefully someday, we can blow up Franco Carcinoma’s headquarters for good, no more cancer ever.”
    James pressed another button on the dashboard, the trunk popped open. Getting out of the car he said, “Looks like there’s a champagne picnic awaiting us. And, this looks like a lovely secluded spot for such a picnic. Aye, Love?”
    CG breathed in deeply the salty air. In classic Bond Girl fashion, she replied, “Oh, James.”

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One Comment on “Carcinoma Detour”

  1. 1 Anonymous said at 5:03 am on August 13th, 2010:

    There should be 'REACTION BOX' entitled: AWESOME!
    A "You go girl! Kick it in the balls" comment is in order!!!!