Magic Bullets

Posted: June 17th, 2010 | Author: | Filed under: Angel, cancer girl | 1 Comment »

(Photo: Clint Eastwood as Blondie in
“The Good, The Bad & The Ugly”) 

[cue theme music from "The Good, the Bad & the Ugly"]

    Cancer Girl tilts back her Blondie, “The Good,” look alike hat. She’s sitting in the sparse shade of a Mesquite tree. While chomping down on an unlit skinny cigar the dry wind ruffles the edges of a stack of papers in front of her. She pulls one out from under a stone that’s holding them in place.
    Methodically she folds each sheet into a bullet and then loads her gun with it. She hops onto her horse, Jiji, and gallops off towards “Greedy Town” to track down her insurance company’s claims approval agent … a CAA.

[cue the cry of a high soaring lone hawk]

    Searing rays of sunlight bounce off a long line of parallel tin roofs. The rays cut through puffs of dust on Main Street kicked up by the town folk’s feet as they scatter into any available doorway.
    One lone fearless girl in rolled up bib-overalls walks right up to Cancer Girl and Jiji.
    The girl cranks her head way back, so she can look Cancer Girl right in the eye. “Hey, I know who you are. You’re Cancer Girl! I betcha you’re here look’n for a CAA, huh?”
    Cancer Girl nods her head yes, “Got any idea where I could find one kid?” The girl shamelessly holds out her opened hand. Cancer Girl raises an eyebrow. “For a price huh?” The girl again shakes her head yes.
    Still holding her hand out she matter of factly states, “Miss Denise moved the jar of rootbeer candies, can’t swipe them anymore. For a quarter I can get 5 pieces.” She grins with exaggerated innocence.
    Cancer Girl smiles, digs into a pocket and then stops. “First, where’s the CAA?”
    The girl points down the way to a tall building and says, “They hide in there a lot, at the “Heartless Hotel.” I think they suck on Sissy Sap all day, at least that’s what my Pa says.”
    Cancer Girl chuckles, “What’s your name kid?” Hand still outstretched the girl sighs, “My name is Angel, I’m 11 and my arm is getting mighty tired, Ma’am.”
    Leaning way down, Cancer Girl shoves a $5 spot into Angel’s hand. “Angel, you’re a credit to young entrepreneurs everywhere. Go buy Miss Denise out. Thanks for the heads up.”

 [cue theme music again]

    The hotel doors swing open, Cancer Girl takes two steps in, stands still and looks around.
    The piano player gulps and stops banging out his rendition of “Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap.” Cancer Girl locks eyes with the only CAA that doesn’t dart theirs away in shame. She walks up to the table, standing directly across from him she looks at his name tag. “I take it you’re Mr. Pencil Breath?” He nods yes.
   Cancer Girl spreads her feet hip width apart, adjusts her gun belt, chomps down on her unlit skinny cigar and stares directly into Mr. Pencil Breath’s eyes. “Well? What’s it gonna be? Are you gonna approve my BRACA DNA test or am I gonna have to shoot you down with my magic bullets?”
   Mr. Pencil Breath snorts and says, “Magic Bullets? What, you buy some from Jack ‘n the Bean Stalk’s mother?” He takes a sip from a frosty cold mug and laughs some more.
   Cancer Girl leans forward, “Listen here you Sissy Sap suck’n vermit. They’re special made, from referral letters written by me and my docs.” She taps the handles of her guns. “So, what’s it gonna be, punk? A shot to the heart with my referral letter bullets, or, an approval right off the bat from you?”
    Mr. Pencil Breath blushes as some Sissy Sap sloshes onto his tie. Doing his best to hide a tone of compassion he says, “Alright already, get your test done without a fight from us. No sense in us looking any worse than we did with refusing you that Fibro drug a few months back.” He signs the approval for the genetic cancer test. Cancer Girl nods her head in thanks and leaves.
[cue an Indian flute softly playing]
     As Cancer Girl is slowly riding out of town Angel runs up, she starts petting Jigi. While swirling a rootbeer candy in her mouth she says, “Hey, Cancer Girl! My Pa just won a buttload of cash on you!”
    Cancer Girl dryly says, “Oh yeah? How’s that?”
    Angel shoves the hard candy off to one side of her mouth, “He bet on the insurance company approving your test right off the bat — on account of your magic bullets!”
     The saddle creaks as Cancer Girl leans way down towards Angel and whispers, “If that pinhead hadn’t of said yes? I would have lost the ranch, the house and any future belongings to my name if I was betting. Glad your Pa got to cash in on a long shot, kid.”
    Jiji snorts and starts to trot off. Angel calls out, “But what about the magic bullets?”
    Cancer Girl shouts back over her shoulder as Jiji picks up speed, “There were none … this time.”
    Angel runs a bit after Cancer Girl and Jiji.

[cue the sound of Jiji's hooves slowly fading away, then silence and then only the sound of the dry wind blowing sand through town]

    Angel steps on something hard, looks down and picks up a magic bullet. Angel unfolds it and with a hushed tone says “Holy poop! It’s nothing but a blank piece of paper!” She holds it up to the sun and slowly says, “Wow.”

   Angel’s dirty hands stuffs the rest of the paper bullets strewn about on the ground into her pocket and pulls out another rootbeer candy. She turns around to catch one last glimpse of her heroine and plops the  candy into her mouth. With pretend guns she shoots at a tumbleweed passing by, “There were none … this time.” Angel loudly rolls the candy around in her mouth, sets her pretend guns into their holsters and says, “This time, punk.”
[cue theme music one last time, lock shot on Cancer Girl and Jiji until both are out of focus and gone]
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One Comment on “Magic Bullets”

  1. 1 Anonymous said at 10:56 pm on June 19th, 2010: