Aged, Ratted Out & Finalized

Posted: June 29th, 2010 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

::: A covered silver platter floats through the air towards Cancer Girl. It stops & gently hovers before her.
She lifts the lid. There on the platter is a frosted confection, a cake in the shape of a butt. :::

    First, I can’t tell you how delighted I was to hear Fawn answer the phone when I had called to book my consultation with an Oncologist that Dr. W (breast surgeon) had recommended. I had no idea that the Geneticist and Oncologist were nestled in the same office. It was a relief to know I’d get to continue my health care with fun and kind office staff. They can make or break your overall experience with office visits.

    I had earlier described Fawn in my blog article “I Spit, Twice.” She really is as sweet as her name sounds.

    Having said such nice things about her … This last office visit the petite brat aged me and ratted me out!!
    While I was waiting to see the doctor she came out from behind the desk, did a hair model move with her luscious mane and proceeded to tell me, “I read your blog description of me.” She waves her hair around some more. “And I can’t believe you think I look like Cher! It’s the long straight hair. So, I’ll have you know that I purposely curled my hair today just because you were coming! And, I think Cher is ugly!”
    I told her that her hair looked gorgeous, it really did. And then I tried to explain to her I never meant to embarrass her, I always thought Cher was gorgeous. Fawn looked shocked, “Really? She ran around in that stupid looking exercise thing.” I said, “Oh, you meant that pantyhose looking outfit on the Navel fighter ship? Yeah, that wasn’t one of her best outfits.”
    Upon reflection I realized that I had been aged. Fawn’s perception of Cher was that of just a decade ago, at the most. My perception of Cher is from several decades ago — back when Cher wore daring Bob Mackie outfits; was openly a brazen and sassy before women dared to do so in public; she displayed her quirky sensuality and sexuality with confidence and no regrets — again, before women dared to do so in public. As a young girl I thought Cher was trail blazing cooler than cool.

    I got aged by Fawn’s youthful perceptions, big time. There was one cheek of the butt cheek cake handed to me on the silver platter.

    A few minutes later as Fawn was walking away from the front desk to run some errand she every so perkily says over her shoulder, “Oh, and by the way, I told Dr. M about your blog. He’s reading it right now.”
    I slunk down into my chair, looked at Sharleen and said, “Oh no.” Sharleen cracked up laughing. I regained my composure and retorted to Fawn, “Oh great. You ratted me out! Now he’s gonna know in advance that I’m a smart ass!” For some odd reason everybody else found this to be utterly hysterical. There was the other half of my butt cheek cake.
    Ten minutes went by. Then fifteen, and soon we were approaching twenty. Sharleen commented on how long we had been waiting. In a hushed voice I said, “Well, maybe he’s still reading my blog. That, or he’s look’n at porn?” Sharleen laughed and said, “I sure hope no, on the latter that is.”
    Within a few minutes Dr. M finally came out, walked us to his office and the meeting started.
    He shook my hand, “I’ve read some of your blog.” I sat down, “Great, so you know in advance I’m a smart ass.” His eyes twinkled as he chuckled.
    Very long story short, folks … He’s recommended I get a mastectomy on the right breast. I agree with him. And, for the record, for ONCE moi did NOT lead a consultation with a doctor. I purposely sat back and waited to see what path he was going to lead me down, in regard to what treatment he was going to recommend. I needed to know what an expert thought without my influence. Yes, it was difficult to do — sitting there keeping my mouth shut … Well, I still got some of my breast cancer jokes in. =;>
    Dr. M thinks that the radiation therapy and the subsequent five years of medication I’d be put on would be too rough on me, due to my existing health issues.
    Yes, this is an aggressive step to take in treating noninvasive breast cancer. But in the long run? It’s going to beat me up less treatment wise, it’ll save my lymph nodes (unless the cancer returns), and, shoot my survival rate up to 90% right off the bat. And, a side perk? I’ll probably get to have a set of perky boobs again!

::: Cancer Girl lifts her head to the night sky and dryly says,
“Alright, alright. I get it. I got my butt handed to me. Hardy, har, har.” 
The silver platter shimmers and shakes, it’s laughing. Cancer Girl shoots it a look, “poof” it disappears. :::
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One Comment on “Aged, Ratted Out & Finalized”

  1. 1 Kaiku... said at 9:56 pm on June 29th, 2010:

    Ya know, Dr. M is still shaking his head after his refreshing and enlightening visit with an analytical, head & heart opposed Aquarian, who has had her butt served to her on a silver platter – twice in one day! Whooooohooo! You go Girl! Keep 'em on their toes….