Ninny Pantsitous

Posted: May 6th, 2010 | Author: | Filed under: cancer girl, EMRIM, fear, Fleur, MRI, Ninny Pants | 1 Comment »

:::Cancer Girl starts running, she thrusts a fist up into the air to fly away from her evil nemesis, the EMRIM:::
– EERRRRRRR SKIIIIIID —
:::Cancer Girl regains her balance and tugs the ‘Ninny Pants’ wedgie out of her super-heroine tights:::
   Hearing the news that I had breast cancer didn’t scare me. Researching all probable possibilities of treatment methods didn’t scare me, not even the dreaded “M” word — mastectomy. But just mention an enclosed MRI machine? (EMRIM) Well, that’s when all of my rational mind/body connectivity goes out the window. That’s when a case of “Ninny Pantsitous” starts to set in.
   Immediately after Dr. W. gave me the biopsy news he told me I had to have a bilateral breast MRI done. It will allow us to know in detail exactly where any cancerous tidbits that’s partied with the devil are located. Regular xrays can only reveal so much because they are limited in clarity.
   I’ve done an enclosed MRI before, about ten years ago. I thought it was going to be a slam dunk. My dad took me spelunking a lot as a kid. It was a thrill to be deep in a cave and shut off all the flashlights. I loved holding my hand in front of my face and not being able to see it at all. I also loved feeling smugly calm while other girls and boys my age would screech with terror.
   I told myself before that MRI session that self-hypnosis would make make this a breeze. After all, I was still a certified hypnotherapist at the time. I had taught many a guided meditation class. I wasn’t the least bit claustrophobic either. Pth, piece of cake, right?
HOLY SHREDDED SANITY, BAT GIRL!!! 
   I wasn’t even half way through that MRI session when I started to freak out! It wasn’t the weird clanking noises that tripped my brain. It was feeling my warm breath coming right back at me because the walls of the machine were barely an inch or so away from my face. I tried closing my eyes, opening my eyes, going to my favorite spot on the beach in my mind … NOTHING worked!
  Upon asking if we could take a break, and being told no or they’d have to reschedule, they placed a tube of fresh air blowing into the MRI. Somehow I gritted my teeth and made it through the last 15 minutes. When they finally pulled me out, I was shaking like a leaf.
   Boy oh boy, did my doctor at the time get an earful from me!! “If you EVER make me go back into one of those damn things again — you better make sure I’m as legally $#*#@$ up as possible. Period!”
  To this day, I can’t stand feeling the warmth of my breath when a sheet or a scarf is up by my face anymore.
  Needless to say, most of my time last week was spent on the phone — desperately hunting for a facility that had an open MRI machine that did the lateral breast. No such luck.
   Ninny Pantsitous now launches into full mode. I spoke with Dr. W.’s kindred smarty-pants spirited receptionist, Fleur (that’s the name she chose to have me use in my posts, told ya she was a kindred smarty-pants lol). By the end of the week Fleur answered my calls with, “Helloooooo Chérie.” After the first time she did that I said, “Aww, admit it, you love me!” Fleur chuckled, “Well, you HAVE called nearly every single day this week. And yes, I love you.”
   After informing Fleur that there was no way I could get an open MRI session I proceeded to tell her, “Dr. W. needs to get me as legally happy, high, as trashed as legally possible. I mean it. You make sure whatever it is that he gives me will make me so happy, I could care less if Tammy Faye Baker rose up from her grave and started singing again!”
  Yeah, I got a “you’re such an idiot” laugh out of her — but, I got myself some serious drugs! lol
  When filling out the prescription today I told the pharmacist that same comedic routine. She assured me it would relax me. But, that it wasn’t covered on my insurance. After finding out that 3 pills would cost $10, I quipped, “Well, I guess that’s cheaper than some beers with tequila shots.”
   I’ll keep doing my best to shove next week’s MRI session out of my brain — I’ll keep doing my best to keep my case of Ninny Pantsitous under control.
   If anything is to be learned from this whole ordeal, I guess it’s that this just proves that you can still be brave while admitting to having a threshold of tolerance.
:::Cancer Girl sheepishly smiles as she pulls yet another ‘Ninny Pants’ wedgie out of her super-heroine tights:::
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One Comment on “Ninny Pantsitous”

  1. 1 Kellie said at 6:00 pm on May 7th, 2010:

    The other day I was thinking what I would do if I ever had to have an MRI. Can you crochet in them? I might be able to handle it then. :-) Although probably not. Can you eat chocolate while inside?

    Thanks for visiting my blog. And yes, we do love yellow cherry tomatoes. In fact, I will have check with my husband to make sure he is growing some this year… yum, makes me hungry thinking about it.

    Happy Friday!