EMRIM Battle Day

Posted: May 12th, 2010 | Author: | Filed under: cancer girl, EMRIM, MRI | 3 Comments »

:::While sipping Egyptian Licorice tea and scanning the “Superhero Gazette,”
Cancer Girl reflects upon yesterday’s battle with EMRIM:::
Even one hour after taking the first happy pill I found my legs and/or feet nervously fidgeting away as I waited to be called to face my evil nemesis, EMRIM. Sharleen calmly crocheted and watched me out of the corner of her eye. I said, “I think I better take that second happy pill, ’cause I ain’t happy.” She nodded in agreement and calmly kept crocheting.
   A few more minutes passed and then EMRIM’s first henchman, uh I mean technician, showed up. She called out my name. Middy struck me as a city woman who really belonged confidently planted atop a saddle, surveying her vast ranch — not ushering a smarty-pants like me to face my EMRIM fears.
   Middy called my name again. While clutching my Tinker Bell blanket, I stood up and walked towards her, “That’s me, all day today too.” She eyed my blanket and with a sly grin she calmly replied, “I’ve heard about you.” Crapnoids, so much for any comedic left-hook zingers with this one.
   On our way to where the MRI was I ran into a couple of the staff I had met while I was there for my stereotaxic session. They recognized me, greeted me with big smiles. I said, “You guys are STILL not with the program! We’re supposed to be headed for the beach!” They promised they’d get right on that agenda for me and have some rum drinks waiting.
   EMRIM’s lair was housed in a portable trailer. Middy stepped onto a platform lift and motioned for me to step onto it too. I looked at the perfectly safe looking stairs next to the lift, looked back at the lift and then at her, “What, are you’re trying to tell me I need to go on a diet?” By then I was too buzzed to realize she’d probably heard that one a zillion times already — well, at least buzzed little moi thought it was funny.
   EMRIM’s second technician, Muffin, greeted me with a relaxed ski-bunny type smile. Middy and Muffin (hey, THEY chose their alter ego names for the blog) did a wonderful job of easing me towards EMRIM. I told them of my MRI meltdown years ago. They had me peek past the wall into the next room. There lay the beast — with Gerber Daisy stickers plastered on it and on the walls. Those stickers didn’t fool me! It was still the Evil EMRIM! But then one of the gals pointed out that it was open on both ends, unlike the one that tripped my brain before. I felt myself relax just a little.
   Muffin proceeded to tell me that my head would be very near the opening the whole time. Plus, I would have a panic button in my hand to stop the session if need be. The combination of learning this, Middy tucking me in with my Tinker Bell blanket and the second happy pill really kicking into full gear made this battle start to seem plausible.
   Even with earplugs EMRIM was L-O-U-D LOUD!!! It would go through spurts that started off with various clicking and clanking and then it would launch into what sounded like a near ear deafening submarine alarm. My buzzed little brain let my imagination flow … Hunky sailors in those sexy uniforms, with tight little butts, were running to and fro to rescue me! And, they all had huge biceps like my Honey does. Oh yeah, Baby!!
   After round one was done Sharleen treated me to a McD’s breakfast. She’s such a good mom. She watched me meander to my door and suggested I lay down for a bit. I did, and I crashed hard. But then I woke up and realized I had left the last happy pill with her.
   With fifty minutes left before having to leave I found myself at her front door, purse slung over my shoulder, asking for my happy pill. She handed it to me and asked, “Why do you have your purse?” I desperately searched for an answer but had none other than, “Uh, I don’t know.” Luckily she laughed and gave me some simple instructions to follow — walk back home and take the pill.
   I took my pill and then slapped a big Dory sticker onto my shirt. I had earned it!
   The second round with EMRIM started with Middy having to ask me some questions again. “Since lunchtime, did you get a pacemaker or anything metal put in your body?” I nodded my head no, walked towards the machine a little bit and then turned around, “Would the metal butt-plug I left in after lunch count?” FINALLY!!! A big smile outta Middy! I believe she said something to the effect of, “Yeah, that could mess ya up.”

 Me clutching the panic button in the aftermath of being in the alien’s crossfire.

  This session I felt like I was caught in the crossfire of two aliens playing some type of electronic war game inside the MRI machine. I could literally feel my hair stiffen and then vibrate with each loud pulse. I didn’t want to give in to fear. I had to refuse to succumb to irrationality. So, I recalled the wonderful family trip that Keith and I had with the girls at the beach last summer. That is one of my most favorite days of my life so far. And then I fantasized about various future family times we would all share. That worked up to the last 10 minutes.
   Luckily through the loud clanks I heard Muffin telling me that we were almost done. I did my best to ignore the aliens making my hair vibrate while they finalized their game’s score.
   It was done!! Middy was kind enough to bring Sharleen back to EMRIN’s lair. Sharleen brought my camera with her and we took some pictures for the blog. What a Godsend it was to hear Sharleen’s kind voice after gritting my teeth through that last stretch with EMRIM.
   Needless to say, EMRIM revealed good news! There are no additional spots of cancer hiding anywhere in the right breast and there are none at all in the left breast!!
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3 Comments on “EMRIM Battle Day”

  1. 1 CrazyYarnHarlot said at 3:42 am on May 13th, 2010:

    I knew you could do it!! and the news about no hidden lurkers?? that is fantastic!! That's the best news I have heard in a long time! I love you today and I am very glad to know you made it through.

  2. 2 Chérie said at 1:50 pm on May 13th, 2010:

    :::Kisses Crazy Yarn Harlot until she squirms::: Man I just live for getting to do that to ya. lol

  3. 3 Kaiku said at 4:32 pm on May 13th, 2010:

    Its a good thing Tinker Bell was there with some magic fairy dust. Flying off to play with sailors with tight buns, and later being rescued with biceps that Popeye would envy. Swirling aliens didn't have a chance! Wonderful news…you're free and clear!